


it's always been there for you

by hannahsviolets



Category: Degrassi, Degrassi the Next Generation
Genre: F/M, i hope i make everyone cry tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-08
Updated: 2015-02-08
Packaged: 2018-03-11 01:17:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3310433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hannahsviolets/pseuds/hannahsviolets
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the love story of liberty and jt that was tragic from the very beginning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	it's always been there for you

   Liberty Van Zandt meets JT Yorke during her first week at Degrassi Community School. She knew absolutely no one, having skipped a grade over the summer. Her only thought for seventh grade so far was to become student council secretary and assistant to Ashley Kerwin, who was arguably the most powerful girl in school. Everyone looked up to Ashley. Liberty thought she was the coolest person ever, and imagined herself being in the same position as Ashley – the girl everyone looks up to.

   The only thing getting in the way of being secretary to Ashley Kerwin’s president, is another seventh grader who is apparently running against her. Liberty is shocked by this. It’s unheard of for a grade seven to want to be president! That’s just too much power for a twelve year old to carry on their shoulders – not that Liberty wouldn’t mind being president. The seventh grader’s name is JT Yorke and he’s in Liberty’s homeroom. From what she hears of him, he’s way too loud and makes immature jokes and never leaves the side of two girls and one boy. He has to be running as a joke.

   Liberty decides that she needs to introduce herself. It’s the professional thing to do, after all. Before lunch on Thursday, she pushes through his friends and holds her hand out for him to shake. He stares at her hand confused, so she grabs his hand and shakes it for him. “JT Yorke? I’m Liberty Van Zandt and I’m running for student council secretary. I’m hoping to work with Ashley Kerwin, but of course, seeing how most of our grade thinks that you may be a better fit to govern the school, I’ll have to learn to work with you too.”

   JT’s friends stare at her like she’s crazy. JT looks like he’s going to laugh, but he doesn’t. “Um, okay. Cool.”

   “’Cool’ is all you have to say to the woman you may soon be working closely with?”

   JT looks her over. “Aren’t you that girl that skipped a grade?”

   For some reason, Liberty blushes that he knows who she is. “Why yes. That’s me.”

   “Okay. Then you’re not a woman. You’re more like a girl. And I only work closely with women, not girls.” This makes his guy friend laugh. JT chuckles at himself as well.

   Liberty stares at him. “What’s so funny?” She genuinely doesn’t understand the joke.

   “It was just – a joke? Because you said you’re a woman and you’re younger than me?” JT explains to her.

   She continues staring for a moment but then she starts laughing. JT forces a laugh but makes a face. “JT, that’s so funny!” Liberty bursts out. She calms herself down quickly and places a hand on his shoulder. “Now, I’m sorry, but I must get going. I have future secretary business to attend to.”

   And she practically skips down the hallway, a smile still on her face. Looking back on it, the joke wasn’t even that funny but it was the first time that anyone had made Liberty laugh without her forcing it. She sort of knew that if anyone else had made that comment, it wouldn’t have been funny. It’s JT Yorke that makes it funny. JT Yorke is also very cute and has a nice smile. Liberty giggles silently, because she thinks she might like this boy more than she should and she’s never felt that way before.

* * *

 Liberty whispers to Emma and Manny after school one day that she has a crush on JT. She brings it up when Emma is talking about how cute Sean is and Liberty practically interrupts her by saying, “I think JT’s cute,”

   Both Emma and Manny think she’s kidding but Liberty never jokes around and they quickly realize she’s being serious. “Ew!” They shreik in unison.

   “You two are more into the ‘bad boy’ trope, I can see that and I’m perfectly okay with that but I don’t appreciate you making asinine remarks about JT, thank you very much.”

   Manny speaks first, “Wait, so do you like him?”

   Liberty nods. “Very much, yes. It’s strange though. I never thought boys like him would be my type.”

   “You mean slacker class clowns don’t usually do it for you?” says Emma.

   “JT’s different,” Liberty shrugs. “He makes me laugh. And no one can make me laugh,”

   Emma and Manny both widen their eyes in agreement. They both consider themselves to be pretty funny and Liberty has never even giggled at one of their remarks before.

   “What do you think he thinks about me?” she asks them.

   Both the girls know perfectly well that JT had just said that he thought Liberty was a ‘total dictator psychopath’ just the day before. There was no way they were going to say that though, so Manny just shrugged and said, “No idea. I’ll make a note to ask him though.”

* * *

   After Liberty finds out that JT lied about being gay just so we wouldn’t have to go out with her, she’s sad. Sad because she must be the absolute worst person in the world if JT would go to such lengths.

   She gets over it quickly enough though because JT is a boy and just like her mother says, boys can be pretty stupid. When JT grows up, Liberty thought, he’ll realize that we’re meant to be and he’ll feel the same way about me.

   So on Valentine’s Day she buys JT a pink carnation from the student council carnation sale. Liberty doesn’t want to bother him anymore than she already has, so she tapes it to his locker with a note. That way, he’ll know it’s from her but he doesn’t have to speak to her about it. Liberty watches from behind a trash can as JT approaches his locker, eyeing the carnation and then looking around for the giver. He reads the card and Liberty can swear she sees a smile on his face – although he quickly wipes it off.

 

_Dear JT,_

_I really meant what I said in my haiku. Your smile is like a sunbeam – it lights up a room. I thought getting you a flower might make you smile. You can tell everyone it’s from a woman if you like._

_Happy Valentine’s Day,_

_LVZ_

 

* * *

   In September of eighth grade, their first Media Immersion assignment of the year is to do a project on their hero. According to the definition Mr. Simpson gave them, a hero is someone you look up to. Liberty immeaditely thinks of JT, who she undoubtably looks up to. He’s so funny, and everyone likes him. He’s also really brave, in an unconventional sort of way. She can’t think of a single thing she doesn’t admire about JT Yorke, unless him not liking her back counts.

   Liberty thinks JT will be flattered that she took the time to do an entire powerpoint about his life. She goes to Toby and tells him her plan. Toby gets a smirk on his face and says that he’ll be glad to help in anyway that he can saying “JT will love this” in a mischivious tone. The next day, Toby brings her a photo albumn containing numerous pictures of JT that he’d stolen from his house.

   Every single picutre makes Liberty smile. JT had (and has) a carefree innocence that she herself was never able to have. He was just so fascinating – sharing his life story with the class would be sure to interest everyone else.

   Unfortunately, things don’t go as planned. JT hates the report and everyone in the class is laughing – although Liberty’s sure that they’re laughing because of how funny JT is. JT is humiliated. Needless to say, Liberty is disappointed once again.

* * *

   Liberty’s first date with JT isn’t a real date to him, but she considers it one. Especially after JT gets Paige Michalchuk to help her pick out an outfit when he knew she was having trouble finding one. Paige even tells her that she thinks she and JT make a cute couple! Liberty tells JT this at the dance and he blushes and mutters something about how he doesn’t like her like that, but Liberty chooses to ignore it.

   Even though she practically had to force JT into coming with her, it’s a pretty great date because Liberty ignores that factor as well. They dance practically the entire night and while she laughs at every joke he makes like she usually does, he even laughs at a few of hers. The only time they don’t spend together is when Paige asks JT to dance with her and he says ‘yes’ way too fast. Liberty doesn’t mind though, because it makes JT so happy that she can’t be mad. She goes off to dance with Emma, Sean and Manny for the time being.

   At the end of the night, JT volunteers to walk her home.

   “I had a really nice time tonight. Thank you for coming with me,” Liberty says when they’re only a few houses away from hers.

   “It’s not like I really had a choice,”

   “Yeah, but you could have ditched me and you didn’t. That was – honorable,”

   “Honorable?”

   “Yep. It’s things like that that remind me why I like you so much, James Tiberius. Because sometimes I realize that you can be a little pig headed and rude and it makes me question _why_ I feel the way I do. But your good qualities out weigh the bad ones.”

   JT smiles at her – it’s not the big smile he gets when he’s with Toby, it’s a shy one that she’s never seen before on him. He quickly stops it from getting bigger though and touches her arm, sending shivers up her spine.

   “Even though I don’t always say so . . . I think you’ve got a lot of good qualities too, Liberty. You’re not as horrible as you think you are.”

   They reach her house then and she can see Danny staring out his window waiting for her. Her whole family had been really excited for her because she almost never went out, and she’d certainly never been out with a boy before. Liberty had been talking about JT and how wonderful she thought he was for two years now and him being her first date was so exciting, even to them, that they had insisted on taking a million pictures of her before she left – JT insisted they meetup at the dance.

   “Um, well, this is it,” she says, nodding towards her home.

   “Okay . . . uh, so I’ll see you in September then?”

   “Yep. September,” Liberty and JT stare at each other for a few moments until Liberty decides that the most appropriate parting gesture would be a handshake and sticks out her hand. JT stares at her like he did last time, like it’s foreign.

   This time though, he stands on his tip toes and kisses her on the cheek gently.

   “If you tell anyone about that, I’ll deny it,”

   Liberty nods quickly, she doesn’t know what to say. JT pats her on the shoulder before turning in the oppisote direction and walking down the street.

   She practically collapses against the front door when she gets inside. Her parents are sitting on the couch watching television.

   “How was the date, sweetheart?” asks her mother.

   Liberty straightens herself up, still feeling dizzy and says, “I’m in love with JT Yorke.”

   “Oh, Jesus,” her father shakes his head and puts his head in his hands.

   “I’m going to bed now. I’m really tired,”

   Liberty is practically singing as she runs up the stairs.

* * *

   When they arrive back at school, JT is head over heels for Manny. Liberty wants to be heartbroken, she wants to be able to say ‘But he kissed me three months ago! How could he!’ but she can’t because she knows that JT only kissed her to be nice. Why would that mean anything to him? Exactly it wouldn’t. But Manny? She’s better looking, sexy, sweet, everything a guy like JT would want.

   But for some reason, she never stops hoping that by some miracle JT would realize that she was the one he belonged with. Even when during the second week of school, he told her that whatever she had for him was going to have to stay on the downlow this year.

   “What do you mean?” she asked.

   “Um . . . well, I’m trying to like, recreate my image. And I think you should too. So maybe it’d be best if whatever happened last year between us . . .”

   Liberty bit her lip. “What happened last year between us?”

   “Um . . . y’know . . . the dance . . . the kiss . . .”

   “If this is your way of asking me not to tell Manny about all of that . . . I won’t. I know you like her,”

   JT raises his eyebrows, “You do?”

   “Yes. I um, I notice everything about you. And I just want you to know that I don’t care if you like her, because I’ll still care about you. And I’m not going to go out of my way to break you guys up if you get together or anything,”

   He stares at her for a moment like he’s going to say something nice to her, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t know what to say actually. He does something that shocks her – he pulls her in for a hug. It lasts about ten seconds, and when JT pulls away, he gives her that shy smile he gave her three months ago.

* * *

   JT swears he isn’t jealous. He can’t be jealous. There’s no way he’s jealous of Liberty and her gross thug boyfriend. Why would he be jealous? He totally doesn’t like Liberty that way. Obviously not.

   He’s sitting in the cafeteria with Manny, listening to her go on and on about how much she hates her dad when he says her holding hands with him.

   The guy’s name is Towerz, for God’s sake! He’s a thief, he’s in a gang. What the hell could Liberty possibly see in him? They’re standing together in a corner with Sean and the trash he hangs out with. Liberty looks a little uncomfortable, and it’s obvious to JT that she’s sticking close to Sean because she’s in an unfamiliar setting.

   JT thinks for a moment that he should go over and invite her to sit with him and Manny, but that would probably make Liberty think that he had feelings for her or something. He tried to convince himself that it was a good thing that Liberty had found someone – that maybe now she’d leave him alone for good. But somewhere in the back of his mind, he couldn’t be happy about that.

   Liberty thought he was the greatest person in the world. He could literally tell her to fuck off (which he pretty much had) and she’d still be around, always there to tell him that he had a good heart. He’d really never met anybody like her before, and he doubted he ever would.

   JT stopped himself before his thoughts got somewhere he didn’t want them to and brought himself back to his hot girlfriend siting righ in front of him.

   Months later, when they return to Degrassi for their sophomore year however, he isn’t going to lie to himself and say that he isn’t a little bit pleased at the news that Liberty and Towerz have broken up.

* * *

   His break up with Manny is inevitable. They’d been like brother and sister for far too long to be able to be in a real relationship. JT is sad about it for a couple of weeks, but he quickly gets over it.

   He kind of has to – there’s a school shooting about a month later that’s effected his best friend who he’d ditched for Liberty’s little brother, Danny.

   JT is hesitant to accept Toby back into his life. He’d felt bad about ignoring him for a while, but he kept telling himself that he’d have more of a social life if he just blew Toby off. And now, when Toby needed him most, he couldn’t be there for him. His friend – this Rick – had brought a gun to school. He was a total psycho.

   It’s only when Manny tells him off and tells him to be a man that he realizes how badly he’s fucked things up. He goes to Rick’s funeral to support Toby and just like that, they’re friends again.

   It’s Manny’s advice that leads him to accepting that he might like Liberty more than a friend. They’re both in charge of directing the school’s play that Liberty wrote, and now that she’s not constantly fawning all over him, she’s cool to be around. Incredibly brilliant and talented, and he was beginning to notice that she had grown to become incredibly beautiful. Plus, she liked him and admired him so much that she did an entire project on why he was her hero. Plus, she was no longer obsessing over him – she was treating him like a normal person.

   When he and Liberty get stuck in detention after calling Mr. Raditch, Liberty kisses him. It’s been building up for so long to be honest, and the kiss itself is lovely and JT can practically feel fireworks going off inside of his head. It just feels so right. He’s thankful that Liberty kissed him and started up the relationship, because that way he doesn’t actually have to admit his feelings or anything. The only thing he says is “My stomach hurts a little” because it does before kissing her back. And then later when Liberty asks if they’re dating now, he smiles and says “Duh.”

* * *

   Their families are complete opposites, they learn from all the time they spend at each other’s houses. Liberty’s parents are strict – a lawyer and a doctor and Liberty is their golden child who they coddle and expect nothing but the best from. And then there’s Danny, who’s a bit of the family wild card but is still more of a ‘golden child’ then JT will ever be.

   JT on the other hand, lives with his grandmother and is an only child. He won’t tell Liberty what happened to his parents, and she’s never asked. But unlike her, he gets all the freedom he wants because his grandmother is far too old and far too tired to be raising a teenage boy.

   By the time it’s June, they learn that it’s easier to hang out at JT’s then it is at Liberty’s because they can have all the privacy they want without being interrupted. When they’re at her house, Danny is always bothering them or Mr. Van Zandt comes home and JT has to sneak out the backdoor because Mr. Van Zandt thinks he’s “a useless little slacker.”

   JT’s been saying that he’s ready to have sex for a few weeks when Liberty decides that she thinks she’s ready. Actually, she isn’t really sure if she is or not. But it’s JT, and she knows she loves him and she thinks that their relationship will last. JT says to wait until she’s absolutely sure whether she wants to or not before she says anything. Liberty knows he’s saying that because he means it and not because he’s going to go off and cheat on her if she says no. It’s that alone that makes up her final decision – she loves JT and she’s sure she’ll enjoy sleeping with him.

   The night they lose their virginities together is a Friday. Liberty tells her parents she’s sleeping at Manny’s and JT’s grandmother is going out of town with her friends for the weekend. They makeout for a few minutes and then Liberty starts laughing at JT pulls away from her.

   “What’s so funny?”

   She shakes her head. “Nothing. I’m just . . . I can’t believe we’re doing this.”

   “Hey, if you wanna back out, you uh, you can. We can just go to sleep or something.”

   Liberty smiles. “No, no, no. I don’t wanna back out. I’m just . . . scared, I guess.”

   “If you tell anyone I’ll deny it, but – I am too. I mean, sex is something I’ve been thinking about since I was eleven and now I’m scared. But I don’t think I’m scared to do it, I think I’m just nervous that I’ll like, be bad at it or something,” JT says from above her.

   “Well, if it makes you feel any better, I’ll have nothing to compare it to, so I’ll probably think you’re good no matter what.”

   JT laughs at that, like a really warm, genuine laugh. She giggles and looks into his eyes, and sees that look he gives her sometimes when she says something really nice to him. Liberty thinks it’s a look of love, and that he’s going to tell her he loves for the first time because the laughter gets down and they just stare at each other for a minute. Somewhere inside, Liberty knows JT isn’t going to make the first move so she does so herself.

   “I uh, I love you, JT.”

   The look of love on his face drops a little, like he’s in shock or something. After a moment or so, he smiles shyly at her and leans in to start kissing her.

   Liberty waits for him to say it back but he never does, not even when it’s over.

* * *

   The Van Zandts are all out of house one day. Liberty’s parents are at work and Danny is at Derek’s. She and JT have just finished a particularly tiring sex session and they’re lying on Liberty’s bed, basking in the air condition she just turned up.

   They haven’t really been doing much talking lately. It’s really just been a lot of sex – not that either of them mind. That’s why it’s so weird that JT chooses now to randomly bring up his family. “Have I ever told you about my parents?” he asks, knowing full well he hasn’t.

   Liberty shakes her head.

   JT continues on without a second thought. “My dad left when I was two. I don’t remember him. My grandmother’s rid the house of all memories of him. Only thing I’ve got is this one picture my mom gave me – of the three of us the day I was born. Both of them, they look so happy then. My dad actually looked like he loved me and my mom . . . she looks . . . young and pretty, she doesn’t look the way I remember her to look,” He isn’t looking at her, he’s just staring up at the ceiling. It’s at this point when Liberty takes his hand into hers. He must appreciate this, because he starts rubbing her thumb with his. “And uh, my mother – I haven’t seen her since last year. She’s kind of been in and out of rehab for most of my life. Got hooked on drugs when she met some asshole addict after my dad left. When I was younger, I’d always have to sleepover at Emma’s or Manny’s while she was ‘out’ or unable to take care of me or whatever. Then like, uh, last year, she got really bad again. Ever since I got to Degrassi she’d been fine but she started screwing around with another guy and he cheated on her or whatever and she got really fucked up over it again. My grandma and her got into a big fight over it until finally my mom decided that she needed to go back to rehab. But y’know, she’s not an idiot. She knew she’d fuck up again. So she gave my grandma full custody of me. Apparently, she got out a few months ago. Hasn’t bothered to come see us though.”

   Liberty pouted her lips and curled an arm around his sweaty waist, kissing his shoulder. “I’m sorry, sweetie. You don’t deserve that.”

   “You’re the only person who I’ve ever told. Well, I mean Emma and Manny know, and Toby obviously, but my mom loves to gossip and she told their parents all that shit. But you’re the only person I’ve ever wanted to tell,” he gives her the look again and Liberty knows what JT means by that explanation. He can’t tell her he loves her, not just yet, but he does love her and this is his proof of it.

   She doesn’t want to say “I love you too” because she knows JT and she knows he’ll freak out and make some excuse about having to go home. And then she’ll feel like shit for ruining the moment. So instead, she looks at him from underneath her bangs, “I guess that makes me pretty special then,”

   JT giggles and looks up at her. “Yeah, guess it does.”

   He pulls her hand to her lips and kisses it. Then they have sex again.

* * *

   Liberty doesn’t mean to tell JT she’s pregnant. She’d only done so because she’d been pissed off at him for acting like an idiot. She regrets as soon as she says it. And then they get into an accident.

   But honestly, she was planning on never telling him at all, as selfish as that sounded. In her mind though, it was the least selfish possibility. JT was the most immature person in the world. But he was also carefree and innocent – that’s what she liked most about him. All of that would change if he found out he was going to be a father. And she’d been right, because it was already changing. He was stressed, which was a way new thing for him, for the both of them.

   And of course JT had gone off and told Toby. Great. More people knowing how badly she’d fucked up. She ran scenarios through her head about what would happen when everyone found out, because it wouldn’t be too long before JT or Toby told Manny and Emma and then Manny’d tell Craig and Craig would tell his friends who would tell Paige who would tell everyone. Everyone would laugh about the “ugly little nerd girl” who managed to get knocked up or how unthinkable it was to have a school president with a baby. And then when her parents found out . . . she was their perfect little darling. It’d fuck everything up.

   But the worst thing is when JT dumps her. She almost cries, but she doesn’t. She’s practically been trained not to cry. Plus, she knows JT better than anyone and she knows he’ll still be around. Her suspisions are correct because he tells her that even though they’re over, he still wants to help her out. To be honest, she doesn’t care because she knows JT is only doing this for the baby and not for her because he doesn’t care about her.

   Liberty ignores anything he says to her. She’s still in denial about things, still trying to pretend that everything in her life is as it normally is. It’s only when Danny figures it out that she has to stop pretending and start accepting.

   One of the only moments in her life that she can remember feeling loved happens then. It’s when she’s sitting with JT and Danny and they’re both vowing to get her through this. She doesn’t dare say or show how happy this makes her, but it does. Because she’s slowly seeing her two boys become men. 

* * *

   The day she and JT get back together is the best day of her life pretty much. They’re going to keep the baby. They’re going to be a real family. JT has a job, he’s going to get them an apartment. Liberty dreams of what it’ll be like, living with someone she loves, raising a child. In the mornings, she’ll get up and make breakfast for the three of them. She and JT’ll go to school and drop the baby off at daycare. Later, she’ll go home and do her homework with the baby next to her in his or her playpen. JT will be at work late, and then he’ll come home and they’ll lay and bed talking for hours. As unconventional as it is, Liberty thinks this sounds like the most perfect thing in the whole world.

   JT is nothing except scared. He lov- _likes_ and cares about Liberty a lot and he’s absolutely certain he loves their child already, but this is the hardest thing he’s ever been through. Harder then when his mom left, even. He’s starting to want this life that Liberty keeps talking about, but it’s so far away from happening. There are so many things in their way.

   He goes over to Emma’s house one night and tells her everything. He wants to talk to her mother about things, see if she can give him any advice. Emma does something she hasn’t done since they were five – she hugs him. She says something that no one’s said yet, “Everything’s going to be okay” and calls Spike into the room to talk to him.

   Spike tells him that the best thing he can do is take good care of Liberty. Make sure she knows she’s loved (he almost says “I don’t love her!” but he doesn’t, because he knows he’d be lying) and that he’s going to be there for her no matter what. That’s what he’s already doing. It’s no use. He leaves their house and goes out to the side of it to smoke – something he’d picked up in the last couple of weeks that Liberty doesn’t know about. He doesn’t need her nagging.

   Fuck. What if he fucks up like his own dad, like his grandmother said? JT’d been telling himself for years that he’d never be like his father but now here he was, sixteen and having a fucking kid. Did that make Liberty his mom? Twenty seven with a needle in her arm? He was practically praying that wouldn’t happen. Liberty had such a future ahead of her. She was going places, she was going to be famous. And he’d fucked it all up. Now he was fucking it up even more. He was a god damn drug dealer. Fuck. He could only imagine Liberty finding out about that.

* * *

  Everything comes crashing down after JT decides to kill himself. Okay, so he lives, big deal. But now he’s got to live with all the shit that comes with swallowing a handful of pills. Luckily, Mr. Van Zandt gets him out of trouble with his manager for stealing. That’s the only bright side of things. Liberty breaks up with him and she’s giving the baby up for adoption. And because he can’t promise he isn’t going to hurt himself again, they decide to keep him there for a few weeks. Away from Liberty and the baby.

   Liberty feels more alone than she’s ever felt before. JT tried to kill himself. JT could’ve died. She keeps running those words through her head, imagining what she would’ve done if JT had actually . . . you know. Honestly, she doesn’t know what she would have done. Her world would have ended – the person she loved more than anything taken away from her. She doesn’t want to imagine it. She can’t.

* * *

   After JT gets out of the hospital and Liberty has the baby, things are awkward between them. JT is trying to rebuild his life, Liberty is too, but in a different way. She’s trying to pretend the last nine months never happened.

   JT tries to be a better person, he really does. He helps his grandmother do the laundry and the dishes. He’s a lot nicer to Toby, and spends time after school playing video games with him. One day, he thanks Toby’s parents for letting him stay at their house all the time, something he’d never done before. He quits smoking. He hangs out at the Nelsons with Emma and Manny like he used to, and listens to them talk about their problems that he didn’t even know existed. Things are better for him. He feels better. But he still can’t help but miss the son he never got to hold.

   For Liberty, things are falling apart. She fails an exam. She downs a bottle of alcohol. Two things she’s never done before. Okay, she’s drank alcohol, but that was only a glass of wine that she had when JT took her out for a picnic on their four month anniversary. She’s lonelier than ever. She has no one (Danny and Derek don’t count).

   And it’s all because of one little mistake she made with JT. And the fact that her baby is now in another country even though she’s supposed to have a freaking open adoption. She has the new address, but she’s probably never going to see her son again.

   As much as she wants to pretend she’s never had a child, she loves him. That’ll never changed, no matter how hard she tries. It’s always going to be there. Kind of like her love for JT.

* * *

   Senior year. The most important year of her life and Liberty is spending more time moping over JT then she is planning her future. She can’t help it – every time she sees him he looks happy. Happier than she’d seen him since they were little kids. She’d do anything to rewind time and go back to those days – before she’d ruined everything for him and turned him into the unhappy person she’d known for so long. Apparently someone had given JT the carefree innocence she’d fallen in love with again – a very pretty someone.

It seemed to Liberty that every time she saw JT he was laughing with Mia Jones, a fifteen year old cheerleader with a baby. Sounded pretty familiar to Liberty – aside from the beautiful and the cheerleader part.

   In the back of her head, she keeps trying to tell herself that JT is only with Mia because she has the child that he never had. In reality though, that’s probably not a part of it at all. Mia is the type of girl JT would dream about when he was younger, and she can’t blame him. She’s perfect. But it still hurts more than anything to see them together. Liberty would give anything to be able to have JT talk to her like he talks to Mia. Talk to her like she’s a pretty girl, like he matters to her.

   JT talks to Mia mostly (and anyone who will listen) about how much he can’t stand Liberty. He’ll go on rants about how boring she is, about how she’s the worst person in the world and how he can’t believe that he went with her. The only person who sees through his act is Toby, who simply smirks and says, “Yeah, okay JT” every time he complains.

   Liberty knows he says these things, nobody has to tell her. He used to say them to her all the time when they were kids. If she could, she’d be nicer to him so that he’d know that she wasn’t so boring and could be cute and fun like Mia. She can’t – she’s terrified. Of what? She’s not sure. She is sure that she can’t do the things her heart wants her to do – only what her brain wants her to do and that’s what hurts the most.

* * *

  Liberty does the complete opposite of what her brain wants her to do on the night of her seventeenth birthday. She tells JT she loves. She doesn’t think she would’ve done it if he hadn’t been so nice to her today. I mean, he threw her a birthday party for crying out loud! How could she not admit her love for him? She regrets as soon as she says it because JT says nothing back. She runs away, holding back tears because she can’t cry – she isn’t allowed to cry. Liberty knows JT loves her back – he has to. After all that they’ve been through, he has to love her back. He has to. But he’s never said the words to her, never once, so how is she supposed to know whether he does or not?

   JT realizes that he loves Liberty when she runs away from him for what he thinks might be the last time that night. Liberty runs away, but she always comes back to him in the end. He knows she won’t this time. He’s fucked up so badly. So badly that Liberty, the girl that has been by his side through every bad thing he’s ever done, is gone from him. And that’s what makes him realize that he is in love with her. He’s been in love with her all this time, probably since he first met her. He’s been too afraid to say it, too afraid that loving Liberty Van Zandt will make him a laughing stock. JT doesn’t care anymore. He doesn’t care that he has a girlfriend or that he’s going to look like a total idiot because he’s never told anyone he loved them before. All he cares about is Liberty Van Zandt, who is undeniably, his dream girl, no matter what he tried to tell himself.

   Toby tells him to chase after her, tell her how he feels. He wants to tell her that right now he thinks he must be high, because he’s never felt so elated in his life. He’s going to tell her he loves her and that he always has and that he’s sorry, so sorry for every single dumb thing he’s ever done to her in the past six years. Beg for her forgiveness if he has to. And then maybe they’ll kiss – one of those stupid kisses that only happen in movies and not in reality. He wants to have that kiss with Liberty.

   JT never makes it though. Before he’s even walked to the end of the street, he’s telling off a couple of Lakehurst goons who thought it would be funny to take a piss on his car. That’s the last thing he can really remember. The next thing he knows, there’s a sharp pain in his back and he feels something explode inside of him and he doesn’t think it’s anything good because it hurts so bad.

   The sight of JT lying against his car in a puddle of piss with blood coming down his back is a sight Liberty will never forget. He still feels warm when she pulls him into her arms, a good sign she hopes. She suddenly can’t remember anything she’d learned about injuries, she can’t process any logical part of her brain. The only thing she can do is scream at the top of her lungs until Manny finally hears her and dials 911. She runs back inside for Emma and Toby and Sean and a crowd follows them. Liberty ignores the crowd that gather around herself and JT and keeps holding him to her chest, running a hand through his hair, trying to find some way to comfort him.

   The ambulance comes within seven minutes (Toby counted). They ride to the hospital in Toby’s bubby’s car and shockingly, it never breaks down. Damian, who apparently knew the guys Liberty had described to them, rode with them to tell the police their information. She can barely talk to the police at the hospital, only answering in a few words at a time. She can’t focus on anything. The image of JT lying there won’t leave her head. Liberty tries so hard to replace it with other images, she tries to hear his laugh and imagine his smile but she can’t because his lifeless body keeps appearing to her.

   She is thrust back into reality when she hears a sharp bang come from where her friends are standing. They all look disturbed, Manny looks like she might puke. Liberty doesn’t get an exact answer when she asks them if JT is okay. All she gets is all of their arms around her. That’s enough of an answer. They stay like that for a while, only breaking apart when the doctor asks Toby if he wants to see JT. Toby refuses. Sean walks Liberty over to a chair so that she can sit down because she still isn’t moving.

 Liberty wants to stay in the hospital forever. It’s where JT is. It might be where JT finally died. Or had he died in her arms? If he had, she can’t imagine why anyone would find such a thing romantic. Horrific, is more like it. Emma’s parents arrive at the hospital and Snake calls Liberty’s mother to come and pick her up. She doesn’t say anything, she won’t say anything. Not even when JT’s grandmother runs into the hospital and she watches the nurse explain to her what happened. Mrs. Cooney is sobbing her eyes out, wailing “My baby boy!” and collapsing into Toby’s arms, begging for him to tell her it isn’t true.

Her mother drives her home and tries to get an answer from her about what happened because she’d felt too bad to ask JT’s grandmother. Liberty is pretty sure she has a good idea of what happened, but doesn’t want to believe it. She can’t blame her mother, she doesn’t want to believe it either.

Danny and Derek are sitting on the couch when she gets home, prowling her for answers about how JT was. When she doesn’t answer them, they look away and Liberty thinks she can see tears in Danny’s eyes. If he was crying, he hides it. He hugs her, and she doesn’t hug him back, even though she knows that he doesn’t need for her too.

When Liberty crawls into bed that night, all she can do is think. Maybe if she never agreed to attend this party, none of this would’ve happened. Maybe if she’d kept JT talking and not confessed that she loved him, he never would have gone outside and would still be okay. Right now, he’d probably be going home and tucking into bed as well. Maybe he’d even call Mia, despite the time. Mia. Who was going to tell her what happened? Certainly not Liberty. Despite tonight, she can’t help but feel bitter and maybe that makes her a bad person but she can’t help it.

The one thing she keeps going to is sadder than anything she can think about. One day, when her son comes looking for her, she will have to tell him what became of her father. Or maybe she’d have to call his parents and inform them soon. No matter what though, their son would never know his father. He would never know the boy that used to make her laugh so hard milk would shoot out of her nose, the boy who knew every cheat code to the video games he played but could never manage to get more than a B in his classes, the boy who despite his bad qualities, was honest and brave and true to his final breath. The boy who Liberty had loved her entire life and would never stop loving.


End file.
